No Longer Your Virgin
by guest contributor Christine Dimmick, Podcast Host ”Be The Change”, Author “Detox Your Home”, CEO/Founder of The Good Home Company
Photo from The New York Post
This past Sunday after a lovely brunch with a Bestie at La Mercerie in Soho, NYC, we walked past a long line of at least 500 people. Curious I asked the first human I made eye contact with what the line was for.
“It is a sample sale they said”.
A sample sale is indeed a familiar sight in NYC, but not all create lines that span 3 city blocks (or a police presence like the Yeezy drop we experienced on Hudson street a few minutes ago).
“Thanks, I said — but what brand/designer?”. “Amuze” they said. At which point they then went on to explain to me, in a way that wasn’t patronizing per se, but more like they were explaining to their grandmother, what a sample sale was and exactly what Amuze is.
“I would have cut them off at the knees” my friend said as I laughed it off but was more stunned. Even in my Christian Lacroix jacket, Suzie Kondi jumpsuit and Vans sneakers (all purchased resale on TRR btw)– it was obvious my face just read “old”.
At 52, I have now reached the age that no matter how cool, attractive, youthful, on point, (insert your own adjective), — I present as older.
I am certainly not the first, nor am I the last to discuss ageism and how it is a horrible construct that benefits a multitude of industries rooted in capitalism, with no benefits to society. But as I am now of that age, just dancing my way into the front door of it, I wanted to write down my experience and observations.
And, ALSO… Madonna.
According to numerous sources, the term “ageism” was first coined in 1969 by a 42 year old psychiatrist, Robert N. Butler, M.D. Mr. Butler created the term in effort to explain what he thought was the reason for opposition of a public housing project in Maryland for elderly persons of mixed races. He felt that while there was racism, in this case it was “ageism” and that people did not want to see “palsied people, (who) can’t eat well..” in their neighborhood. It is a very interesting article and you can read it here.
It always surprises (but does not shock me) that all horrible things against humanity aren’t just in the United States. A 2021 UN report discusses and describes ageism as a global issue that needs to be corrected worldwide. And a quick wiki search will give you full details on the many acts of ageism worldwide.
But let’s get back to Madonna.
Today in the New York Post’s Page Six the above photo appeared of Madge leaving some London establishment with her son Rocco (see photo and article above). Never without controversy the Icon caused a stir when she apparently didn’t “look” like her Instagram photos.
Exactly how are we supposed to look?
As the recent Golden Girls vs Sex in the City post shows — how we look keeps changing.
Photo via Today
The look of aging may be changing, but our judgments are not.
What was more off-putting, and also — interesting to me were the comments from men. Particularly Rappers Nelly and 50 Cent who implied the photos were cringy and that Lady M should “cover up”. Fans rallied and accused them both of cyber bullying and Madonna herself reposted 50 Cent’s comments with her own retort, questioning his “friendship”. Meanwhile Instagram clapped back at the 46 year old rapper for his own “weight gain” on the Super Bowl.
The question I have for everyone is who are we supposed to look like when we get older?
Is the Iconic Madonna supposed to stop being who she is at 63 and hang up her assless chaps? She has always pushed our comfort levels. We praised her and adored her for it and now she is a has been? Why should she stop now? And is 50 Cent supposed to wear less form fitting clothes because he gained weight?
Are they trying to be their older selves?
Or are they just older, being themselves?
As with anything you really can’t have a knowledgeable answer unless you have experienced it. If you are 20, your perspective on age will be much different when you hit 50+., as will your perspective on 70s when you are 50.
I met Representative Jerry Nadler and Chairperson of the US Judiciary Committee at an event a few years back when he was looking over the case to prosecute then President Trump. Upon meeting him I shook his hand and gushed my thanks, in such an infantilizing manner, I am embarrassed to remember. Seconds later I realized what I had done, from decades of sheer societal training, and was mortified. It is still work on my part to not speak to an elder like they are 7 years old. And being spoken to like one yesterday helped cement this into my brain.
My friend said Madonna is “trying to hard” and not being “appropriate”. I understand that, but don’t agree. Why at 63 or 83 do we have to be anything other than what we want to be? Is me wearing Vans that I wore when I was 10 a mid life crisis, or is it me wearing something I have extremely fond memories of? Clothing I enjoyed in my 30s is fun for me to wear now. It is a vibe.
Do I have to stop wearing certain things to make others comfortable and wear what they think I should be wearing? Of course not. But doing so I put myself up for judgement. And it shouldn’t be that way, but particularly when it comes to things we cannot change, like our aging bodies.
What we call a middle age crisis, just might be a self-imposed brake on ourselves to remind us we are still the same, even though we may not look it and that fun is still possible after 45. Maybe Madge looks ridiculous to you, maybe she looks fabulous. The only thing that matters is how she feels inside.
As my late Mother told me, you never see yourself older than 38 years old, even at 70. And that is something I carry with me with every person I meet. Even a 20 year old.