It takes courage (Part 2 - You are needed)
By Dr. Kate Beyrer
Imagine a woman, today, in the middle of life, with no tribe around her. Imagine going through the transformation of menopause, when nature is telling you to raise your gaze from your child’s face and scrutinize the larger community, the land, its resources, the world. When nature is asking you to step up and lead, and help the other members of the tribe with your hard-won wisdom and natural abilities.
On a hormonal level, it’s tremendously depressing for women to be without a tribe. That’s why one antidote for depression is finding things in your life you can engage in that bring you joy. Figuring out a way to get your hands in the clay. It’s why so many women in the middle of life find themselves searching for a spiritual center and looking for ways to share that spirituality with a circle of like-minded people. They yearn to be inwardly nourished, and to contribute to the nourishment of others. That, probably more than anything else, is intrinsically female. Habitat for Humanity, dreamt up by Rosalyn Carter who wanted to build homes for those who don’t have them. Mothers Against Drunk Driving (MADD). The #MeToo movement. All of these movements fueled by the voices of women who have reached the mid-point. All of them menopausal.
The middle of life takes courage. It takes guts. It takes a quiet but powerful understanding that you are meant to influence a group of people beyond those that you live with. You were born to be an active voice on this planet. In your early years you got your dopamine and oxytocin spike by raising and feeding your children or taking care of your nieces and nephews, or your friends’ children. Maybe your work gave you that important spike but now the hit isn’t as strong or you’ve moved on to something new or retired. Perhaps your previously fulfilling work now leaves you with an “is this all I’m meant for?” feeling.
But you’re not done. You can get your “dose” by reaching out and working on meta problems. And that’s why we need your voice – in workplaces, in government, in organizations, in causes. You need to impact the greater good.
Here’s the bottom line: We as women are wired to experience the success of others, and we must contribute to the support of others, in a larger meaningful context than the immediacy of our childbearing years. Deep in our bellies, we want that same hormonal surge we got when we watched our kids or family eat the food we prepared for them.
Menopause and the path of midlife has joy baked into it. To fully embrace the fabric of this joy, find a tribe. Impact others together. That’s where the gold lies. But those veins of gold run deep. You have to mine them. You’ve honed your skills for a purpose, and that becomes wildly evident at this stage in our life. Don’t squander them now.