Facing 60 with a new outlook

The subject of plastic surgery is a tricky one. It is one of those polarizing topics that brings up judgement, shame and confused emotions from most everyone I’ve talked to. I think this is particularly true for women 50+. We didn’t grow up with a Botox injector in every dermatologist’s office or with the overfilled lips and cheeks of Instagram. Our generation knew mostly about face lifts, but they were thought of as the vain pursuits of the very wealthy or aging actresses.

Time has certainly changed a lot about this field. But perceptions and beliefs take longer. While still an expensive choice, aesthetics is well into the mainstream consciousness offering, particularly for those in midlife, a far more considered choice than “should I dye my gray hair?” when juggling the physical changes we start to see at this time. Part of that consideration, for some, is what will others think of me?

The motivation behind a decision to make small or more significant aesthetic changes are difficult to parse and vary person to person. It’s a fascinating discussion though – and one we hope to crack open and explore within the AfterShock community. We know that opening up the conversation and hearing directly from people about their choices – whether the choice is a ‘hell no” a “maybe someday” or an all-you-can-eat-buffet – will drive understanding and compassion for choices, whatever they are.

This is the first profile of a member of the AfterShock community. This one about a midlife makeover and about plastic surgery. I loved this conversation with Lisa. She’s a deep thinker and does not make any decision lightly, including the one to make some changes to her appearance.

This interview has been edited for clarity.

AfterShock: What has menopause and midlife been like for you?

The physical symptoms–hot flashes, headaches, the feeling of being out of body–they haven’t been as severe for me as I know they are for some other people. And they’ve been less of an issue for me than the mental and emotional ones: The irritability. The roller coaster of emotions. The exacerbating of my tendency to depression. The loss of memory. That stuff has been a lot more challenging.

AfterShock: What have you done to help with your symptoms?

I’ve done what I can to mitigate them, and I’ve found ways to cope, including exercising more regularly and with a bit more intensity. Harder workouts and really sweating seem to help.

I started eating vegetarian around the time I started menopause and have since become vegan – very clean vegetarian, eventually clean vegan eating – which I’m also convinced helped. I don’t eat the stuff with all of the ingredients you can’t pronounce. I really believe that’s helped me both physically and emotionally. My mood and energy feel leveled out.

AfterShock: How has your doctor supported you during this time?

My gynecologist, who I selected because she advertised that menopause is one of the areas she specializes in – I think we had one conversation about it. She didn’t think that my symptoms sounded like they required supplementation but also wrote me a prescription for hormones in case I ever needed them. I can’t even remember what the prescription was for. It’s really shocking how little even a female doctor seems to care or be focused on this major time in women’s lives.

AfterShock: How else has this period in midlife affected you?

The only other thing to say about the menopause transition – and maybe because I’m now past the bigger physical parts of it – I do feel that there’s a flip side of menopause that is enormously positive. That, more than anything is my takeaway. The upside has been astronomically greater than the downside. Not to get too mystical about it – but if you’re paying attention, I don’t know how you can’t – there is a deep wellspring of strength and positivity that I didn’t know I had. I’ve always been into exploration in these areas – meditation, mindset, personal growth. But this isn’t just a blip. This is different.

Some of it is just getting to an age in life where you say some things just are not worth worrying about anymore. That in itself is powerful. But there’s something else going on. A wellspring of energy, strength and power that I believe is an outcome of this transition process.

That’s so exciting. I’m not slinking into my 60’s. In a weird way, this is what I’ve been waiting for my entire fucking life. To feel this type of ownership, clarity and sense of what’s possible.

AfterShock: What were your feelings or beliefs around plastic surgery/aesthetics previously?

The beginning was a conversation I had with a friend who’s a couple years older than me. She said that when she hit 60, she immediately started thinking about what she could do to make herself the best she could. I had already been feeling like I felt better than I looked. I wasn’t depressed or disparaging myself about it, but I did start to consider some procedures, just like I’d been investigating and trying other things for my mental and physical health. If there are procedures, therapies, and stuff that can make you feel better, why not?

Simultaneously, I was thinking about my job security. I’m painfully conscious about being almost 60 and getting another job. Even in the best-case scenario – like I have some genius idea to start my own company – unfortunately, there’s still a lot of judgement around aging women.

AfterShock: Tell us what you did!

I started with retinol and laser treatments. Laser treatments made a big difference and I started to really like what I was seeing. During my follow-ups with the doctor’s office as my laser treatments were progressing, we started to discuss what else I could do. I basically asked the doctor what he would suggest for me and then really started to consider the options. I dove into researching my surgeon and possible outcomes. So, it was a slow pace into what was eventually a facial surgical procedure. We were in a pandemic so I knew I could do it with minimal impact on my work and my life. Once I’d made the decision, I was done. Committed. No hesitation or back pedaling.

AfterShock: What’s your comfort level on letting people know what you’ve done?

There are so many layers of judgement – the money, the triviality, the people that think the only way to age is “au naturel”. So, I’ve been taking that part slowly. I know there is a taboo about it still. And I’m so mindful about the disparity of accessibility. All of this gets framed from me in a very privileged way. I am lucky to have disposable income and savings and a steady job and recognize that I have access to this stuff that so many others don’t. I have chosen to spend some of it on myself.

AfterShock: Do you think that’s something women in our generation are particularly prone to? We weren’t raised – even into our early midlife years – with this being something “normal” or accessible to regular people. I feel like the Kardashians brought that to the forefront, and not necessarily in a great way.

Yes, I think so. Previously, I hadn’t gone to a dermatologist for anything other than a mole check! And certainly not one that was focused on aesthetics and plastic surgery. I just hadn’t given it any thought.

AfterShock: You mentioned that you are in a fairly new relationship. How did you let him know about your procedure?

I didn’t tell him before I did it. I didn’t feel like I had to. The timing was such – we were at the start of the Omicron variant when I had my surgery, so we weren’t going to see each other for a couple of weeks anyway. When I finally saw him…there was one moment where we were talking about going to the beach on a Saturday morning. I had a moment of hesitation where I thought “do I want to ‘reveal’ myself on a bright beach?” We ended up cancelling that plan because of the weather, but I was prepared to just plow through it.

I was prepared to be defensive. I was hopeful he wouldn’t say the wrong thing.

When he saw me, he did the right thing and just said “you look great – you always look great.” He didn’t say “you didn’t need to do that” – that would have set my nerves on edge. Because it wasn’t about him, or anyone else.

The takeaway

Aesthetic procedures have a lot of baggage. And while the pressure to do something, even a little thing, is everywhere, there’s an equal pressure to age naturally. These two things don’t square. The result is that no matter the choice, we aren’t doing it “right”. This dynamic puts the way women look and what they choose to do with their bodies into the hands of others, once again. It’s time to bring these viewpoints out into the open and discuss them openly and with grace for the wide spectrum of personal beliefs on the subject. Emphasis on personal: no one gets to weigh in on your choice unless you ask them to.

One of the beautiful things about midlife is how decades of experience, combined with the waning of our “pleasing others” hormone – estrogen – creates a new level of confidence.  It can be surprising for some and an additional layer of kick-ass for others. But, when harnessed, makes decision-making solely our own, and in a quite delicious way. As Lisa noted, when she finally made the decision to get her facial surgery, she was unwavering and never looked back. A return on investment that’s immeasurable.